Genetics and Your Future

Warning: This post has nothing to do with genetics on a deeper scale than what my parents have given me. If you use this article for research on genetics, biology, or anything of the many subdivisions of either subject, you are truly an idiot and my God have mercy on your soul. Enjoy!

I, Jaybird, have come to the sad, sad realization that I have started down the long road to becoming an old man. At 21 years, 261 days, I have realized this and it’s one of the things I didn’t want to know until I was an old man. It’s not only that I’m becoming an old man that bothers me, it’s the fact that I’m becoming a freak mutation of my parent’s genetics.

It’s not so much that I’m turning into an old man, it’s just that I’m catching myself doing and saying things that my parents do all the time. I love my parents more than anything, but I didn’t want to become them. I want to be my own person and “do my own thing” and go with my own flow. I didn’t know that the flow was going to have to slow down so much.

Here are a few instances of me finding out that I am slowly turning into my parents:

• I was in the grocery store and I was looking at the cereal and I thought, “How many grams of fiber? Oh I’m defiantly getting this.”
• While I was sitting outside, waiting for lab to start, someone was walking by while shuffling their feet and I wanted to yell, “Pick up your feet!”
• I was talking about the weather the other day with a complete stranger for a good 10 minutes in the library.
• I wake up with the chickens.
• I know what “wake up with the chickens” means.
• Around 9:45p, I start to get sleepy.
• I tell people to turn their music down.
• I tell people to slow down when they’re driving.
• I’ve yelled at people for mumbling.
• I want to slap every person who doesn’t wear their hat straight or sag their pants too low.
• I have slapped a person who wore their hat backwards.
• I have used the phrase “back in my day” more than once.
• I love watching the history channel.
• I bought something just because it said “new” on the box.
• I have this neurotic tendency to fix things that will either be broken later on or come back to the way they were when I leave.
• I cross my arms and shake my head when something doesn’t go my way.
• I am extremely stubborn.
• I get grumpy if I don’t get enough sleep.
• I was extremely interested in a commercial about a product that could relieve back pain.

These are just a few instances that I can think of just off the top of my head. I can’t remember anymore. I guess I could add memory loss to the list?

Huh?

What?

Speak up! I can’t quite hear you.

I forgot what I was saying.

Like I said earlier, I love my parents more than anything, but I didn’t know that I’d become them. I know the saying, “if you want to know what a person is going to look like, look at their parents.” No one ever told me that I would start acting like them! I guess I could be a total jerk whose only purpose in life is to make way for my own benefit and I don’t care how many people I piss off while I scratch and claw my way to the top only to find out that success is better shared than being alone, but my parents taught me better than that.

Even though I have been a total jive turkey and been raggin’ on my folks, they are totally bitchin’ and aren’t as big of drags as I make them out to be and I do love them.

Anyway, catch ya on the flip side.