My Biggest Secret

I’ve got something on my chest I really need to get off my chest. It’s a secret. Not very many people know this, but I have to get it off my chest. I hope that this doesn’t come to a shock to my parents, nor do I hope that this embarrasses them and bring shame to our name.

I’m afraid of birds.

It’s true. I am absolutely TERRIFIED of birds. It all started when my mother forced me to watch old Alfred Hitchcock movies when I was a young boy. She showed me The Birds and from that day on, I’ve never liked birds.

I know. I know. Seems silly. The Jaybird is afraid of birds, but when my young eyes saw a man that had his eyes pecked and eaten out from birds, I was scarred for life.

Most people see a group of birds and hope that they don’t poop on them. When I’m walking on campus and all I see are huge flocks of birds just sitting there menacingly, plotting their next move to pick me up and drop me so they can eat my dismembered body.

Pretty scary, right? It could happen. I hope I’ve made you rethink birds. They’re evil, evil, evil Satan loving winged beasts.


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