Letter to the Professor

Dear “Dr. XYZ,”

I’d like to thank you for a wonderful semester. I enjoyed your lectures, your lab, and the environment that promoted not only a healthy environment for learning, but one that is relaxed and fun. It was a joy to be a part of your class and I feel like I learned a lot from you. I bid you, and your teaching assistants, adieu.

Hope you have a very Merry Christmas!

Thanks and Gig ’em,
Jaybird

PS- You can kiss between my two back pockets, you creepy old man. I see you flirting with girls and talking to them during the test. That’s not professional at all. That’s terrible. Your mother raised you wrong. That’s your problem. You run around flirting with girls half your age and crack jokes about reproductive organs in some “seductive” voice during a review time in front of me when I’m trying to study. Not anything a professor should do.

Another thing I’ve got to pick with you is your lack of answering emails during finals week. I emailed you several times during the week and not one of them was answered about meeting for a final review. You’ll get terrible marks on your review from me. I hope you’re going back to Wyoming or where ever the heck you’re from and a baby is sitting next to you and it poops it’s pants and the smell of the poop is so bad that it gets in your clothes so everyone outside of the plane thinks you pooped your pants or have terrible BO for the rest of your trip. You’re a terrible professor and I hope that you don’t get anything for Christmas that you asked for this year. Just socks, ties, and a big bag of coal. Yeah I know what I said up there, but I take it back. I hope you have a Christmas like the movie J. Edgar: awful.

Who in the heck makes a test that’s fill in the blank knowing we have to know hundreds of parts of a hundred different cells? You. My anatomy professors wouldn’t dare think about doing that, why? Because they know it’s freaking stupid to pile on crap upon crap upon crap. It’s too much to learn in too little time and you know it.

You destroyed my faith in myself. I have no confidence to do anything or study anymore. Do you like that feeling of ruining my life you filthy animal? You’re sick. *spits in face*

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