101 Things That I’ve Learned in College

  1. Don’t study in your dorm room because you will play video games no matter what you say.
  2. Don’t be surprised when you play a team that should be in the “Competitive League” when you signed up for “Recreational League.”
  3. Don’t trust anyone with your notes…ever.
  4. If a girl says she “hates drama,” she’s a drama queen.
  5. There is ALWAYS someone smarter than you.
  6. The first two rows in a lecture hall are for nerds.
  7. The last two rows in a lecture hall are for stoners.
  8. Don’t get dressed up to go to a house party.
  9. When you break up with a girl, do it at her house so she doesn’t cry at your place and you can leave.
  10. People with beards are pretty cool people.
  11. Know how to Dougie.
  12. Country music after a break up doesn’t help at all.
  13. There’s always someone from a smaller town.
  14. Someone will make fun of your accent.
  15. Stay physically active so you don’t lose your sanity.
  16. Girls don’t like facial hair.
  17. If a girl makes you change to someone you’re not, dump her, she’s not worth it.
  18. If a girl makes you act like the person you know you are, keep her.
  19. Mom and Dad are always proud of you.
  20. Dad will give you the best advice; Mom always cooks better.
  21. There’s no place like home.
  22. Sorority girls are fake.
  23. Most fraternity guys are douche bags. (There are a few good ones out there)
  24. Buy your own groceries and don’t share with your roommates.
  25. Public transportation is the most awkward thing you can experience.
  26. Always make sure that there is toilet paper in the stall if you need to use the restroom.
  27. The toilet paper in the stall is always 1-ply and is equivalent to sandpaper.
  28. Professors from Asia (especially India) and Eastern Europe (especially Germany) have terrible accents.
  29. Every lab that you take in college sucks.
  30. If you can’t pronounce your TA’s name, English is their second language and they grade hard.
  31. People who watch “Always Sunny” get what life is all about.
  32. Don’t take classes during Christmas break.
  33. Anatomy and Physiology during the summer is Hell on Earth.
  34. If you go out to a party or to a club with people you don’t know, have an alias.
  35. Have a least one pizza place in your contact list.
  36. Be ready to have that one person in a group project that doesn’t do their part.
  37. People from Dallas hate Houston; People from Houston hate Dallas.
  38. “Can I ask you a question?” = “Hey I’m about to make you very uncomfortable.”
  39. Classes at 8:00am are the hardest classes.
  40. Eat breakfast or you’ll be miserable all day.
  41. People who are always negative or very into themselves are insecure people.
  42. Coffee and Mountain Dew are your best friends when you have a late night of studying.
  43. Don’t go to Africa.
  44. Public speaking for an extroverted person is impossible.
  45. Girls who drive trucks can’t park.
  46. “Dabble” is a very flexible word.
  47. There is always an annoying person in all your classes.
  48. Smart, nerdy girls want to sleep with the professors. (You know who I’m talking about)
  49. Don’t own cats or you’ll become schizophrenic.
  50. Make the girl play for some dates. (It’s expensive.)
  51. Elementary education majors will piss you off with their lack of workload.
  52. Girls with rain boots will splash a puddle on you and your shoes will be wet all day.
  53. Big muscles, Affliction/Tapout shirt, backwards hat, or slicked back hair are signs of a douche bag.
  54. Make friends with athletes so they’ll get you free stuff.
  55. Once you start watching “Cops,” you can’t stop.
  56. Bomb threats in the library during finals are not that uncommon.
  57. Don’t play poker with people who have never played.
  58. If something is free, take it.
  59. Pray every day. Not all of them will be answered, but all of them will be heard.
  60. Your group should break down with the following four people: Brains, Looks, Muscles, and Wildcard.
  61. Have an umbrella.
  62. Old El Paso Tortilla is a fancy way of saying “You’re going to have nausea.”
  63. Don’t compare yourself to other people.
  64. No one really cares about your high school days.
  65. Know how to play poker, 42, and pool.
  66. Don’t carry a map with you on campus to find your classes.
  67. There is nothing more satisfying than you beating the guy who says they better at everything than you.
  68. Do a little homework every day so you don’t have to do it all the night that it is due.
  69. All nighters don’t work.
  70. If you are ever having a bad day, think of how Bob Elis’s wife was in a Russian prisoner of war camp and the only clothes she had were the clothes off of dead Nazis that washed up on shore and the best meal she had the whole time was a half eaten, rotten potato and see if your day gets a lot better.
  71. If you get the chance to take golf with an old man as the professor, take it because it will change your life forever.
  72. You will have a strong urge to punch hipsters in the face.
  73. Don’t be a hipster or people will want to punch you in the face.
  74. If you ride a bike to class, make sure you know how to ride it.
  75. Take a shower at some point in the day.
  76. Sweatpants are a must in your college wardrobe.
  77. You don’t need alcohol to have a good time.
  78. Don’t talk about the “Twilight” series in a negative way in front of girls or they will fight you.
  79. Go home every now and then so your mother won’t drive you crazy.
  80. Call your father every now and then to see how things are going.
  81. Your parents don’t need to know everything.
  82. Own a candle in your kitchen and bathroom.
  83. Mothers will clean your apartment when they come to visit.
  84. Get the idea of you cooking and eating healthy every day out of your head.
  85. Find the place that is open 24 hours and has breakfast food in it because you will have late nights with a craving for breakfast tacos.
  86. Anyone who says “Come over for a study beer” is the one of the coolest guy you’ll ever meet.
  87. Know what the weather is going to do for the day and dress accordingly.
  88. Know how to two-step.
  89. If you don’t know something, don’t be afraid to ask.
  90. There is no such thing as sleep in college, only naps.
  91. Go to class every day no matter how you feel.
  92. Remember the sooner you get done with all your studying and homework, the sooner you get to goof off.
  93. The hardest class you will take is with the hardest professor and it’s only offered in one semester.
  94. Don’t take histology.
  95. Always have an A, B, and C plan for every situation.
  96. If you drink, make sure you have a drink that you know will always be good.
  97. The water pressure in the dorms and apartments is always bad.
  98. Don’t let anyone pull you away from studying if you have to do it.
  99. Call of Duty, NCAA Football, and MLB: The Show will ruin your chances of studying for the day.
  100. Have a signature thing that you wear. Mine is a white hat.
  101. If you get a nickname, make sure it’s a good one.

This is what I’ve learned so far, and I still have two more semesters. What have you learned in college? If you can think of any more, post a comment and let me know. I love hearing from any and everyone.

10 responses to “101 Things That I’ve Learned in College

  1. Ok, I give it to you most everything on this list is true. I just have one qualm…I used to drive a truck and I bet you anything I can park any car or truck better than you including a 26′ moving truck…I also used to be in the car business so I guess I’m a cheater because I drove everything you can think of. Overall everything else is pretty much true! Good Job.


    • Well the majority of girls that I know who drive trucks drive a truck that is too big for them anyway. I’m impressed you can do all that. Tip of the hat to a girl who can not only drive a truck, but park it too. 🙂


  2. Pingback: Things I’ve Learned in Nursing School | Jaybird is the Word·

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