To the People Upstairs

To the residents of 1-204:

I was wondering if I could come upstairs and ride your elephants. Oh you don’t have elephants? THEN WHY IN THE WORLD DOES IT SOUND LIKE THAT?!

Every day and night it’s the same thing. You stomp in your bedrooms, you run from one end of your apartment to the other, and it sounds like you’re moving furniture. Who needs to move furniture at 1:30 at night? Let’s be honest, no one does that.

I’ve seen you walk around outside, and you weigh like 110 pounds each! How could three tiny little girls make that much noise?! I know people that could eat you in one sitting make less noise than you!

I know, you’re going to pull that “We pay rent here too” and the “It’s our apartment, we can do whatever we want” card, but guess what, WE DO TOO. It’s called courtesy and you have shown none to me or my roommate.

I’m almost to the point of kicking in your door at 5 in the morning and playing the heaviest of death metal. And I’ll do it too! You’ll be so sorry that you may not even walk again just to avoid me.

This isn’t over until I say it’s over.

Sincerely,
Jaybird and Big Smoov

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