Hammocks Destroying Campus

Lately in Aggieland it’s been absolutely gorgeous weather. Cool in the morning, warm in the afternoon, and just a nice spring breeze to blow through your hair. It’s beautiful outside and I love it. But with the good, there is some bad that comes with it. I’m talking about hammock earth cookie people.

I know, I just offended some people that own a hammock, but I’m pretty sure you have it at home and not rolled up in your backpack for weather like this.

It really chaps my hide that all these people are doing this because they’re all hippy, earth children, be one with Mother Earth, make love not war, lazy, no good people. And yes, if you’re reading this on reddit, I just said that you liberal wannabe. They’re just climbing trees and picking daisies and trying to spread their ideals on me.

“I’m Star Shine and this is my friend Moon Kiss. We love what Mother Earth has giving us to play with. We love climbing trees. Don’t you like to climb trees?”

No you dirty hippies! I like going to school so I can get a job and pay bills and have good credit! You smell like sweat, weed, and dirt. Why are you wearing a beanie, jeans, and a long sleeve shirt under a short sleeve shirt? It’s 75 degrees outside! What’s the deal with the chacos? Are you going on an adventure after your ultimate frisbee game and you post-game bong hit? You look like hobos and your hammocks are a cancerous eyesore. Quit being liberal and a conservative school. Take that stuff to Austin or get a real major because your “Fine Arts” degree will get you one thing: nothing.

Personally, I just want to push them out of the hammocks then cut them down. They’re just making us look like we want to love the earth and passing out free love and hugs but let me tell you something: Freedom isn’t free you dirty earth cookies.

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