The Rat Killing

For past few months my family and I have been helping Jordan clean out the house that is next door to our grandparents. We’ve torn out the carpet, patched up some holes in the walls, and a little cleaning. It’s starting to look a lot better.

One day while Jordan and I were cleaning out the storage building behind the house, we noticed something in the corner. We couldn’t really make out what was there because there was still junk in the way. We kept cleaning out more junk and then Jordan jumped over me to get out of the building.

“There’s a rat in there!” he shouted.


“There’s a rat that’s bigger than anything I’ve ever seen!”

I cannot describe how big this thing was. It was huge. It was at least 2 and a half feet long, the nastiest yellow teeth, and it’s eyes…it’s eyes were lifeless and black like dolls eyes staring directly into my soul. It scurried toward something to hide in and I ran out of the building.

We’ve got to kill this thing.

Jordan and I grabbed what we could to prepare ourselves for what would be a battle to the death. His weapon of choice was an old broom handle and a metal trash can lid. Mine was a plastic VHS tape holder and a a gardening spade.

Our plan was to flush the rat out and then beat the hell out of it. The flushing out part went really well, but the whole “beating” was poorly executed. Jordan’s broom handle snapped in half after he hit the rat, I don’t know what I was thinking when I thought a plastic VHS holder would do any damage to a rodent this size, and we weren’t about to get that close to it to use a gardening spade and a trash can lid. The rat begins to go on the offensive.

So imagine two guys that are 22 and 26 years old screaming like little girls in terror because a giant rat is going to kill us, eat us, and use our bones to pick it’s teeth. It’s charging at us like a pissed off rat that got hit with a broom handle and a VHS holder. We’re going to be slaughtered by this thing. In an act of despair, Jordan throws the lid at the beast.

It freaking worked. We grabbed whatever we could and made sure it was dead. The rat was then a bloody pile of guts and gore and we were victorious.

Let’s see the Pied Piper do that.


One response to “The Rat Killing

  1. Buttercup: “Wesley, what about the ROUS’es?”
    Wesley:”Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don’t think they exist.”
    This blog made me think of that scene. Yep.


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