Two Drink Jaybird

My roommate and I used to go out to the bar and we’d always meet a few friends and have some drinks. Well for a while there was always a girl at the bar that was a mutual friend of a few people. I had never met her before, but I thought she was cute and we always talked when we saw each other at the bar. She laughed at my jokes and she always had something witty and smart to say to me. We only place we saw each other was at the bar, so one night I ask for her number.

Anyway I get her number and I invited her over to my apartment and I cook her some dinner the next weekend. No big deal. Just eat some dinner, watch a movie, and just hang out with each other at the bar. Well, as you can imagine, it did not go as such.

She was annoying. I can’t describe you how annoying she was. She had a Fran Drescher laugh, she was dense, and she poked me. Like a lot. Not a “haha I’m cute and funny and want to tickle you” poke, but a poke that hurt. She left a bruise! I bruise like a peach anyway, but I pressed onward to recover the evening.

That was hard to do considering she hated all the food I fixed, she didn’t like any of the movies I had, and when we finally did find a movie to watch, she talked the entire time. Not about the movie or anything like that, just talked about everything she could think of which was not anything deep. She was quite dense and as sharp as butter knife..

She left after the movie and I was thinking about why she would act like that and it hit me. We each had met the “two drink versions” of ourselves. You see, each drink changes your personality. Zero drink Jaybird has serious opinions about politics and is an activist in preserving wildlife; two drink Jaybird is funny and likes to dance and tell jokes; five drink Jaybird likes to dance with wildlife. When this girl was sober she was annoying and the more drinks she had, the less annoying she got. Usually it is the reverse.

I still don’t like it when people poke me because of that night.

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