Freebirds vs. Chipotle

A friend of mine asked me to go to Chipotle the other day with the phrase, “It’s as good as Freebirds.” For the readers that don’t know what I’m talking about, Chipotle and Freebirds are built-your-own-burrito places. They’re like Subway with tortillas. Anyway, I was hungry and went with him.

We walk through the line and they start building our burritos. Now Chipotle’s mission statement is to use more organic foods and naturally raised meat than any other restaurant. “Food with integrity.” Well that’s cool I thought to myself, but I noticed that they only have one size burrito. They fill my burrito with what looked like 90 pounds of lime cilantro (not Spanish rice which isn’t even an option) and two of the tiniest pieces of white chicken (White meat only. None of the good thigh meat that’s bad for you. Not that I would get that, but the thought of it not being available. I digress.), and then they charge me out the butt for the baby sized burrito that’s full of a side dish! Apparently, “organic” is a Chipotle term for “expensive.”

I sit down and unwrap the burrito full of lies. Rice bite. Rice bite. Rice bite. Chicken! Ew. This chicken wasn’t ready to be eaten. Just so you know organic chicken is awful. I was livid.

I look up and saw that they sell shirts that are all white with a picture of a burrito on it. Plain white shirt. Burrito picture. Who the heck is buying this shirt? I hope there isn’t a guy standing in Chipotle thinking, “You know, I like that shirt with a burrito on it. It would look great with my taquito pants and my enchilada hat!” The question, though, isn’t of what guy would wear that. The question is what girl in their right mind would be caught dead with a guy wearing a Chipotle burrito shirt.

As we finish up eating, my friend looks up at me and asked me what I thought, “As good or better than Freebirds?”

“This place sucks. I got a burrito that is made for a small child my burrito was filled with nothing but cilantro lime crap rice, AND I had to pay for it. You’ve done nothing but waste my time that I can’t get back and money in which you’re going to pay me back right now because my stomach is filled with organic garbage that not only tastes awful, but is sickening. This food has made me sick and makes me want to stick my finger down my throat, but then I’d have to taste it twice. That has to be the biggest double whammy in the world. I don’t think we can be friends anymore. I want to punch you square in the face for even thinking about comparing this hellhole of a restaurant to Freebirds. Good day to you and may God have mercy on your soul,” I thought to myself.

What I actually said was, “This place sucks.”

I walked out and haven’t been back since.

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13 responses to “Freebirds vs. Chipotle

  1. Finally someone who attacks the real issues. I’ve had similar experiences at Chipotle and nobody seems to care. The only thing Chipotle is good for, is stealing the tabasco chipotle flavored hot sauce. That stuff is super expensive in the stores.


    • I don’t see how anyone could like the place. People on reddit told me to get a burrito bowl. Why would I want to go to a place that specializes in burritos and get a bowl of their food? That’s like going up to a vegan and asking them to cook a delicious steak dinner or wiping before you poop, IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.


  2. I think your story is stupid.

    You clearly do not know shit about shit.

    If she gave you not enough chicken, ask for more chicken, you even said yourself it’s like a subway, build it yourself, it sounds like you’re just a bad consumer and don’t know how to get what you want.


    • Oh, you know a lot about being a consumer? You must be an economics major.

      Personally, I think you don’t know shit about shit and I think you’re a loser for getting your panties in a wad over a story about burritos.


      • Dude, this guy “getting his panties in a wad” over a story about burritos is pretty much the same as getting your panties in a wad about eating a burrito…and then writing a story about it. The burrito bowl, for your information, is the same contents as the burrito minus the tortilla. It is for those who like to eat extra healthy. Hardly analogous to a vegan place serving up a steak. You are free to not enjoy a Chipotle meal but your arguments lack any real weight.


      • Oh I was just trying to be funny. I know the arguments that I have carry no weight. That’s what I think is funny or what I think is funny.


        Just me?

        This is awkward.

        Hell, I don’t care. It’s my blog.


      • Well it’s all good to me; I don’t know who you are or a damn thing about you. Google sent me here on a search for Freebirds restaurant. I did want to make a brief point about Chipotle since I eat there often and have never encountered what you described above.


      • Well I live in the town where the original (actually second location) Freebirds is and I guess I’m a little partial to the original. I’ve been to Chipotle once and I didn’t really have a good experience there. Granted it had just opened and they were still getting the kinks out with their employees, but my experience was not good, so I never go there.

        Did I also mention that I live maybe 3 blocks from Freebirds? Probably has something to do with my partiality towards them instead of Chipotle.

        True story.


  3. in the last couple years I have noticed a significant change in the meat/rice ratio in Burritos and Bowls. I do not go as frequently as used to.


    • It’s a bummer. As a man, I want some protein in my belly to keep my energy up so I can do manly things like riverboat gambling trips and making my own beef jerky. Now it’s all rice and it is just not the same full feeling.

      Thanks for reading!


    • Well that makes sense because that’s what adults do when they’re angry: bang their hands on a computer keyboard like a chimp to express their anger.

      Use your words and thanks for reading.


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