Social Networking Middle Finger

As a guy who does nothing but hang out in the social media web, in a way, I hate it a lot.

Here’s what I mean…

I’ll text someone and with the new iMessage feature on the iPhone. They have message receipts that people send when they read a message I send them. I’ll text them at 6:51pm the message will be read at 6:51pm and I won’t get a response. About 90% of the time I won’t get a response. Now, I do have friends that work and if I don’t hear from them until after work, they have the courtesy to say “Hey. I was at work. Sorry.” I appreciate that, but some people don’t even answer me and the “message receipt” is just another way Steve Jobs and everyone else can send me a giant middle finger that says “I hate you.”

I don’t know if I hate that or when I text someone “Hey what’s up?” and all I get is “Nothing” or “Hanging out” as an answer. Oh you aren’t doing anything? Guess what? Me neither. That’s why I text you so we could maybe do something. I never say that, but I’m always thinking it.

It’s kind of like the “lol” or “haha” text message. Hey *insert typical funny Jaybird-like text message.*




*insert gun barrel into mouth*

You had enough time to send that and nothing else? I’d rather get no response!

The letter K though is my worst enemy. I understand when my parents send that text message because they aren’t the most technologically advance people in the world, but when I get a “K text” from a friend I want to punch a blind man in the face.

This doesn’t happen just on text messaging, it happens on Facebook, twitter, and in public. I’m sorry I’m a social butterfly and want to talk to you. It doesn’t mean anything. Just I want to talk. It’s human nature to interact with other humans. Most of these problems are with the ladies. I think I know why. All girls think that every guy is a jerk and is trying to “get in her britches” (as my mother says).


Not true.

Not all guys are jerks. Just because you got your heart broken 500 times in a row by a guy whose nickname is Snake and he wears deep v-cut Affliction shirts and has a Mohawk and a tattoo of a wasps’ nest on his chest and listens to rock music, doesn’t mean that I am too. You’re grouping me with that jerk? That’s not even fair. Snakes are retarded creatures and move without legs. That’s the Devil. It’s in the Bible. Jaybirds are naturally smart, nurturing creatures, and will do ANYTHING to protect its territory and partners (take the hint, ladies). Maybe I just wanted to talk to you while I’m sitting out by my kiddie pool and get some sun and drink an icy cool beverage on a hot summer day or to meet me somewhere to get a bite to eat because I don’t want to eat alone like Steven Glansberg.

If I wanted to charm a girl, I could. I can whisper sweet nothings into a girl’s ear better than anyone. I’m a charmer. I’m not going to charm you on the phone. I’m a face-to-face charmer because I am a true Southern gentleman.

Ok, I’m done ranting.


3 responses to “Social Networking Middle Finger

  1. My favorite was when a fellow manager at work meant to sent me “K” in response. Her memos are full of typos anyway, but it was amusing when I asked a question and she wrote back in response with, “J.”


      • love it. Ever use the talk-to-text feature? It was winter and I was walking across campus, and put my phone back in my pocket after hitting send without looking at it. Only later did I discover that instead of “I’ll text him to let him know,” I sent “I’ll text in the Latino.”


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