I Got Some News for You, Vegan

I have a friend who’s a vegan which fine enough for him, but he’s always trying to push his vegan propaganda on me. He’ll tell me to “try this tofu, it tastes just like chicken!” I tried it and I was like “Oh wow, you forgot what chicken tastes like! In fact, everything tastes like chicken, except for this. I hope bull crap is organic because you are full of it!”

He’s a sneaky guy too. He made me a cup of coffee one day and asked me if I liked the coffee. Then he tells me that he put soy milk in it. “You couldn’t even taste the difference. Gotcha!”

Son of a puppy.

I felt all gross like a dirty hippie. So the next week, I made him a cup of coffee. Afterwards, I asked if he enjoyed the coffee. Oh, you did? Well I have some news for you, I made out with your girlfriend last week. Hope you liked the coffee.

… and her kisses taste like chicken.

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