Zombie Apocalypse

Everyone is going crazy about zombies one way or another, and this fella in Miami eating the homeless guy’s face doesn’t help. If you don’t know the story, I’ll give you the gist of it. Rudy Eugene attacked Ronald Poppo and started eating his face. Police arrived on scene ordering Eugene to stop. He did not stop, he continued to growl at the officer and eat Poppo’s face. The officer then shot Eugene four times to get him to stop. Poppo was taken to a hospital and is now in critical condition because almost 75% of his face was eaten or chewed.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time believing in zombies, ghosts, goblins, and all this other nonsense, but it has gotten me thinking about evolution a lot lately. I was raised in the church. I am not the most religious man in the world, but I try my best to follow a Christian way of life. That being said, I am a biology major, and have taken courses in the study of evolution. I don’t mean to sound hypocritical, but I do believe in evolution. I just believe that evolution was overseen or brought on by something. It just didn’t start happening to me.

Anyway, Police believe that Eugene was under the influence of bath salts and was experiencing a mental state of “excited delirium.” I can believe that. I saw an entire episode of Intervention about a guy snorted this stuff and he thought the aliens were coming to steal his thoughts. That’s probably what Eugene was thinking. He was an animal and was eating his kill, but that’s not what everyone else is saying.

Everyone thinks nowadays that zombies will one day take over the world since the movie Zombieland came out. They think that this is proof that zombies do exist and will soon take over the world. One news story said that there is a deadly virus that was in Eugene’s blood that couldn’t be stopped if it reached the people. Eugene’s girlfriend said he was under a voodoo spell and that’s what made him. Some people thought Eugene was trying to trying to get closer to God because Jesus said to “Take. Eat. This is my body.”

I’m pretty sure that Jesus didn’t mean that we should all literally eat his body. Does everyone remember swine flu? Guess what! The media made it up. Swine flu is just the regular flu. I bet that the “deadly virus” in Eugene’s blood, isn’t deadly or a virus. Lastly, zombies do crave the taste of human flesh, but I thought they were supposed to eat brains?

Personally, I think that as this world is growing, we’re taking a huge step backwards in evolution. As a society, we’re pooping on Darwin’s grave. There is no more natural selection in the world. Everyone gets to live and pass on stupid genes like eating people’s faces. I hate to say this, but I’m glad the guy got shot. That gene didn’t need to pass on to the next generation. I know everyone probably hates me by now, but as a scientist, it needed to happen.

I don’t know if you believe in evolution, but let me tell you something, it’s going backwards. Pretty soon, there will be a zombie apocalypse, but not of the “living dead” variety. It will be a whole wave of stupid people wanting to EAT YOUR FACE OFF. So be ready people. As my Uncle Ted would say, “Be cocked, locked, and ready to rock!”