Did you know that there are people in the world that don’t like bacon? I know I’m baffled too. I could go off on a huge Jim Gaffigan rant about bacon, but I won’t because it’s stuff we all know. I love bacon. I love bacon to the point that I would marry bacon, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception. I’m not talking about turkey bacon either. That stuff is gross. It takes two things that are great: turkey, which is delicious on Thanksgiving and signifies that the Cowboys are playing, and bacon which is the candy bar of meats and combines them all together to make some pink pasty nasty crap. I know people who eat that every day because they “don’t like regular bacon.” It is almost un-American to not like bacon. My dad thinks that turkey bacon should be illegal. Agreed. I mean the man taught me about cracklin’sand has high cholesterol. Heck, even Canadians know how good it is. Ever heard of Epic Meal Time?
They make money off of cooking and eating bacon. They’re literally bringing home the bacon to metaphorically bring home the bacon. If they weren’t in Canada, I’d be asking for a job or something. The point I’m trying to make is if you don’t like bacon, go to Russia or China because I don’t want you in my country. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!