This is How I Dew

I love Mountain Dew. I know that makes me seem like white trash, but I didn’t ask your opinion. I’m addicted to it. I mean look at me. That’s 24 ounces of the Dew.
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Ok, I’m not addicted, but it is my favorite soda to drink during finals or when I need a pick-me-up.

This summer I’ve been getting up pretty early for work and going to class afterwards. One day I was exhausted. I didn’t get much sleep and had to work. I was just dragging along. Needed the Dew. I was sitting in class sipping on it and this girl sitting next to me says, “Ew. I can’t believe you drink that stuff. I read in an article that someone found a rat in a bottle of it and Pepsi Co. said that ‘it’s impossible because Mountain Dew would dissolve the rat before it hit the shelves.’ Is that what you want to put in your body?”

I thought about it. It is gross to think that a rat could be dissolved in Mountain Dew. It’s scary to think that I could have been drinking rat juice. It’s also scary to think that this guy was president. He was awful. Just absolutely terrible. He won strictly by the color of his skin and not what he stood for as a leader. His policies were a joke and he ruined our nation.

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That’s Millard Fillmore you racist, but I digress. I don’t know anything about presidents. I do know that my desire to drink the Dew will go up because let’s face it, I want to see if it will dissolve my insides the way it potentially does a rat. Does that make me crazy? No it doesn’t because my mother had me tested.

Racist.

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