Kombucha – Spanish for Awful

So there’s this new craze going around in the health world. It’s called kombucha. It’s this tea that has a lot of probiotics and supposed to “detoxify the body and energize the mind.”

In reality, it’s stinky bacteria water.

Now I’ve never tried it. I don’t think I ever will. Next time you’re in the grocery store, go find a bottle of it, pick it up, and look at the bottom of it. YOU’RE PUTTING THAT INSIDE YOU.

Being in the healthcare field, I understand the importance of washing your hands, cleaning patient rooms, and controlling the spreading of bacteria. So why would you drink bacteria water? Seriously, why? I’ll tell you why.

Hippies. Dirty, filthy, lazy, nasty, free-loving hippies with their tie-dyed Phish shirts and their singing circles. They’re coming into this country and bringing all their medicinal bacteria teas that possibly gives you explosive diarrhea.

Did I mention that it could kill you? Yeah, apparently if you make it at home (dumb), you can contaminate the batch and get lead poisoning and go into liver failure.

Still want to drink it? I wouldn’t because I’m a man and men can’t drink tea that has bacteria floating in it that could possibly kill them. How would you like to die then have to explain at the gates of Heaven that you got killed by something you can’t see? I’ll answer it for you: a complete jackass.

So don’t drink it. Ever. Unless you want to die from bacteria.

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