Call of Duty Jerks

I’m not good at a lot of things. Playing Call of Duty online isn’t one of them. I’m what some people call a “noob.” Let’s face it; I really don’t have time to play. I have school, work, and spend an enormous amount of time on social networks and Netflix. I enjoy playing online with people of my own caliber, but I’m starting to notice that I hate a lot of people that play online. So I made a list of the people I hate who play COD and who I think should get lashes on the back with a switch then lemon juice and salt on their open wounds.

  1. People who have gold weapons – To get a gold gun, you have to master everything that you can do with a gun. This means you don’t do anything, but play COD and live with your mommy. Advice: turn off the game, take a shower, go outside, kiss a girl that isn’t your mother (she doesn’t have to be pretty), and then play Goldeneye if you want to play with a golden gun.
  2. People who quick scope with sniper rifles – Can’t happen in real life. Unless you’re an actual sniper. If you’re an actual US sniper (no one cares if you snipe for any other country) playing COD, thank you for being a total bad ass.
  3. People who run around with nothing but a combat knife – You know gunpowder was invented in the 11th century. Why in the hell would you run around with a knife? You’re the guy that’s going to get his ass handed to him when anarchy breaks out and gets a bullet in the temple…by me. Quick scope style.
  4. Squatters – People who sit in a corner and shoot people as they run by are the same people that will die when complete anarchy breaks out. I like to think of these people as target practice because anyone can hit something when it’s sitting still.
  5. The person who can go an entire game without dying – Frig off.
  6. People who hop to avoid being shot – You look like a jackass and a complete douche. Let’s face facts here, the programmers for the game had to design the game so you couldn’t hop all the time, yet they still do it.
  7. People who belly flop – These people are like the “bunny hoppers” in #6 only instead of hopping, they flop on the ground. These people then shoot you in the leg and you die. These people are like France: they lay down because they’re scared, they randomly fire a weapon to kill you, they run away and keep living. Oh my gosh, shotgun in the face.
  8. Noob tubers – I know I said was a “noob,” but I’d never go around and just randomly shooting something that will explode and kill someone. That’s a low blow. Like Obama being president, it is a kick square in the nuggets with a steel toe boot at the fact that there are people like this in our world.
  9. People who complain – Frig off. You’re playing a game.
  10. People who brag about their rank/people impressed by others’ rank – Anyone who has any amount of joy or jealously about this, please, for the love of God, stop.
  11. Dog people – There are people in the game that have a dog that can smell you from the other side of the map, can sneak up on you, rip your throat out, and take 904849237208975 bullets in the face and not die. *insert Old Yeller shooting scene here* I’ve made my point.
  12. People who get the last kill on me – “Devil on your back, I can never die.” – Rob Zombie

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