I hate the Oakland Athletics. I’m not just saying that because I’m a Ranger fan, I’m saying it because I think everyone should hate them.
This post is all the reasons everyone should hate the Oakland Athletics.
That’s practically cheating. Oh you hit a pop foul that would be 20 rows back in every ballpark? Yeah, not here in O.co. Why do they have so much foul ground? They share the same stadium with the Raiders.
If you have to share your stadium with someone, you’re obviously doing something wrong. I mean, you have to “tarp” your seats to remind them that they’re not watching a crappy football team, they’re watching a crappy baseball team that tried to make the back of a baseball card interesting.
You know who else tarps their seats?
Oh look at us; we’re different on the west coast. Also gross. Those white shoes look like shoes that I wore in band my freshman year of high school. You’re the only MLB team that wears white cleats. I think you need to get with the times. Coming from a guy who used to be a band nerd, you look like a bunch of dorks out there.
I don’t get it. White elephant is something that you do at Christmas. All I know is that the guys in Philly said, “We don’t want you anymore. Peace.”
I know that Charlie Finley paid his players to grow mustaches, giving us the image of Rollie Fingers.
Derek Norris on the other hand… Just look at him.
Cheese and crackers. He looks feral. Hell, he may actually be a homeless man (I mean, it is Oakland). If you look close enough during games, you can see bits of small woodland creature remains in his beard. And his hair looks like he hasn’t washed it in a month. I don’t think it’s natural to wash myself. I just want to be me. Well guess what homie, your smell is coming through my computer.
But he played for the Rangers, how could you hate him?
May 26, 1993. Don’t know what I’m talking about? How’s this gif for you?
We traded Ruben Sierra for that?
Readers, I play slow pitch softball. I suck at slow pitch softball. Christopher Reeve is better at slow pitch softball than I am, but there is one thing for damn sure that would never happen while I play: I would never left a fly ball hit me in the damn head to give someone a homerun.
Conseco also gave us this beauty of a pitching performance.
100% Baseball tagline
I sure as hell hope you’re playing 100% baseball. You’re a BASEBALL TEAM. You’re supposed to play BASEBALL.
The fans suck
From Balfour Rage…
…to banging drums…
…to this guy…
…the fans suck. Why?
- They’re never there.
- When they are at the game, they treat it like Japanese league baseball.
I mean, they had to tarp the upper deck so they could scam people into buying tickets. (That’s 100% true, and you can read that story here). Last time I checked, scamming is lying, and lying will send you straight to hell.