Reasons to Hate the Oakland Athletics

I hate the Oakland Athletics. I’m not just saying that because I’m a Ranger fan, I’m saying it because I think everyone should hate them.

This post is all the reasons everyone should hate the Oakland Athletics.

O.co Coliseum

Let’s face it; the Coliseum sucks a big one. Mostly because it has the stupid amount of foul ground in all of baseball.

That’s practically cheating. Oh you hit a pop foul that would be 20 rows back in every ballpark? Yeah, not here in O.co. Why do they have so much foul ground? They share the same stadium with the Raiders.

If you have to share your stadium with someone, you’re obviously doing something wrong. I mean, you have to “tarp” your seats to remind them that they’re not watching a crappy football team, they’re watching a crappy baseball team that tried to make the back of a baseball card interesting.

What is this? Soccer? Get the hell out of here.

You know who else tarps their seats?

How embarrassing…

White shoes

Oh look at us; we’re different on the west coast. Also gross. Those white shoes look like shoes that I wore in band my freshman year of high school. You’re the only MLB team that wears white cleats. I think you need to get with the times. Coming from a guy who used to be a band nerd, you look like a bunch of dorks out there.

The White Elephant

I don’t get it. White elephant is something that you do at Christmas. All I know is that the guys in Philly said, “We don’t want you anymore. Peace.”

Derek Norris

I know that Charlie Finley paid his players to grow mustaches, giving us the image of Rollie Fingers.

One of the most iconic mustaches in all of sports

Derek Norris on the other hand… Just look at him.

Hey, Derek, Mowgli called and he said you look like crap. #junglebookref

Cheese and crackers. He looks feral. Hell, he may actually be a homeless man (I mean, it is Oakland). If you look close enough during games, you can see bits of small woodland creature remains in his beard. And his hair looks like he hasn’t washed it in a month. I don’t think it’s natural to wash myself. I just want to be me. Well guess what homie, your smell is coming through my computer.

Jose Conseco

But he played for the Rangers, how could you hate him?

May 26, 1993. Don’t know what I’m talking about? How’s this gif for you?

“You’re welcome Carlos Martinez.” – Jose Conseco

We traded Ruben Sierra for that?

Readers, I play slow pitch softball. I suck at slow pitch softball. Christopher Reeve is better at slow pitch softball than I am, but there is one thing for damn sure that would never happen while I play: I would never left a fly ball hit me in the damn head to give someone a homerun.

Conseco also gave us this beauty of a pitching performance.

Wonder why he had to have Tommy John surgery after that game?

100% Baseball tagline

I was hoping for 60-40 mix of baseball and Chinese checkers

I sure as hell hope you’re playing 100% baseball. You’re a BASEBALL TEAM. You’re supposed to play BASEBALL.

The fans suck

From Balfour Rage…

The guy in the cardigan in the back doesn’t know what to do.

…to banging drums…

Bring out ya dead!

…to this guy…

How in the heck did a homeless man get in the gates?

…the fans suck. Why?

1. They’re never there.
2. When they are at the game, they treat it like Japanese league baseball.

I mean, they had to tarp the upper deck so they could scam people into buying tickets. (That’s 100% true, and you can read that story here). Last time I checked, scamming is lying, and lying will send you straight to hell.