I might be a stoner…

Readers, I really think that deep down that I am a stoner. Ironically, I have not “puffed the magic dragon,” but I still feel like I am in fact a stoner. Mother, this post is for purely comedic purposes. You do not have to worry about anything. 

but we are out of pizza rolls. 

Here’s my thinking behind it:

I like snacks. Not just any snacks. I’m talking snacks that only stoners like to eat. Slim Jim’s, orange soda, hot pockets, and pretty much any kind of pizza. Hell, I’ve thought about making stuff into pizza. I’ve thought about opening a pizza joint just so I could eat pizza that I made. If that’s not stoner logic, I don’t know what is.


Snap into a Slim Jim Pizza! Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh yyyeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh……. 

I blare Zeppelin. Being in nursing school, I have no time to sleep because I’m either saving lives or studying for an exam. The only way I can stay awake during those long study sessions is to jam to some Zeppelin. It helps me “get the Led” out, if you will. If you can believe it, not everyone likes Zeppelin. Some of my friends in school have never heard of them. I got offended. You know who else gets offended at stuff like that? Stoners.


The only problem with the radio playing Zeppelin is the fact they don’t play Zeppelin all the time.

I always look at clocks at 20 past the hour. I don’t know why I do it, I just do. Everyone and their mother knows about 4:20. I think that my subconscious knows that somewhere in the world that it’s 4:20 and someone is starting a grass fire. I even know that 9:20 CST is 4:20 in Amsterdam. That’s some stoner thinking.

It's 420 somewhere


I’m paranoid. Ask any on of my friends and they will tell you that, yes, I am paranoid. Someone is out to get me, someone hates me, it’s all a government ploy for some wild, crazy reason that could/would not happen because it was thought up by a stoner.

What was that?

What was that? 

I always want my apartment to smell nice. There is no shortage of Febreeze, air fresheners, candles, etc. in my apartment. It could be that I don’t want people to think that I’m the typical man and live in complete squalor…or that there could be something in the air that makes stuff smell funny.

colbert spray

Smells like a lavender sugar cookie forest in my apartment.

2 responses to “I might be a stoner…

  1. Pingback: Things That I Learned in OB/Peds This Semester | Jaybird is the Word·

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